WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Napa Valley Vintners
"The question is not why the chicken crossed the road, but how much we can charge for a taste of that chicken."

Constellation CEO
"We are very confident that upon finally crossing the road, the chicken will fit in perfectly to our growing 'Across The Road' portfolio of chickens."

The Wine Spectator
Non Vintage Chicken—The Road
"This is a superb effort by the chicken that we haven't seen in a number of crossings. A lovely blend of supple movement and a robust gate propelled chicken across the street and to a finishing hop upon a smooth, well delineated sidewalk." 94 Points

Randy Dunn
"The chicken has gone completely overboard. This isn't a real crossing. It's a simple, fat dash that is one dimensional. It's time for the chickens to get back to making elegant, balanced crossings."

Gary Vaynerchuk
"Because we're changing the chicken world!!! One Crissy Cross at a time!!"

Wine Distributor
"The Chicken just wants to tear down the system. If the Chicken gets his way and continues to cross the street we'll see more chicks just get run over. I don't think that's what American Chickens want."

Robert Parker, Jr.
"I can't say why the chicken crossed the road. I've not been to a chicken crossing in that region since I was asked not to come there anymore by a number of chickens that didn't appreciate my appraisals of their crossings. However, I will be adding a new chicken crossings reviewer to the staff of the Chicken Advocate because our readers deserve thorough and expert coverage of crossings on that region."

The Publicist
"We wanted to create the greatest crossing ever! Our chicken is dedicated to hands-on crossings that highlight the terroir of the road. This is by far the finest crossing the chicken has ever offered."

The Wine Blogger
I don't care why the chicken crossed the road. I just blog about it for my own pleasure and to try to make chicken crossings more accessible to the average chicken. Before bloggers appeared on the scene the mainstream press ignored the average chicken crossing and focused only on Roosters. Bloggers are taking back Chicken Crossings and putting them in the hands of the chickens again!"

Jonathan Nossiter, Director of Mondovino
It's the same old crossing—bland, simple, undistinctive. This chicken doesn't care about the character of the crossing. It merely wants to get to the other side and it's the kind of crossing that destroy the distinctive regional character that has defined chicken crossings for centuries.

UPDATE:

Inertia Beverage Group
"We don’t care why the chicken crossed the road, we just want to help that chicken cross it faster, more efficiently, and more profitably.”

Jeff Stai, Twisted Oak
Because that's where the rubber (chicken) meets the road.